Magickal Realism

Image by Always Be CoOL via Flickr

Yes, I did do 7 out of 7 days on my morning pages. I hope this dedication will soon translate to my workout schedule - it’s not about discipline, it’s about head space. I have started taking it easier on myself - I don’t get mad that every project I have isn’t done to total completion by midnight. I’m slowing down. I’m taking my time. I’m fixing old mistakes. In short, I’m doing everything that my employment history had trained me out of doing.

I did do my artist’s date this week, I went to the Midtown Global market, but I found it wholly unsatisfying. Unless you go there  to eat a lot or to attend one of their special events/community classes - and the restaurant variety/community stuff really is cool - it just doesn’t offer that much.  Shop planning there is very haphazard, and there’s the whole issue of “imported crap from China” dotting all the booths regardless of their country of origin. I’m pacifying my inner child with a small Daria-thon, letting her shirk some work for a little while.

I did experience some synchronicity, though I think I may have created it. It’s a whole thing with the Goddess Bast and her relationship to perfume. I’ll tell you all more when I know where that’s going. I’m pretty turned off by Kemetic religion these days, but that’s not the gods’ fault.

There were issues - where I was hard on myself, where I had to face that I’d just plain been a complete jerk to people because of some intellectual elitism, and I even had to have a little talk with Mike about his elitism - there’s nothing wrong with not having knowledge; it’s only a problem if you’re proud of your ignorance or perpetually insistent on a single point of view. It came down to having compassion for a person who was gifted with different circumstances and abilities than we had. I don’t think either one of us should apologize for our education or intelligence - I have worked ceaselessly since my kindergarten teacher almost put me in the “slow kids” section¹ to get the most I can out of what brain power I was given and getting my bachelor’s degree came down to a tooth-and-nail fight I’m proud I won. But, when it comes down to it, we’re both privileged and there were certain circumstances laid out for us to make that path easier - Mike moreso than mine, but I did have moments of advantage depending on the prejudices and quirks of my high school teachers  ((and also moments of distinct disadvantage, like when Mrs. Thannholdt decided that I was a path to whatever the fuck her vendetta against my father was.))

I’m forgiving myself more, and letting myself have my feelings. For me, this takes a lot of work. I’m also a little scared about this week’s coming work: my addictions are rife and hard to manage, and I’m finally going to have to deal with them in the light of truth. Scary stuff.

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1. because I daydreamed to much [↩]