Magickal Realism

I just found out a spammer had been back-dooring my Magickal Realism blog for quite awhile, and it wasn’t the kind of thing to find easily. Color me NOT amused, but it did explain the mysterious disappearance of basic wordpress features. I hope this spammer has body hair that turns to Brillo.

I’m still adjusting after the move. I am saying very little in blogs about my move except that I have moved - and anything is better than where I was living. I don’t want to stir up any jealousies; Mike and I deserve to be here, we are happy, we deserve to be happy, and what works for us will definitely not work for other people. To try to throw in opinions beyond that is just mean-spirited domination behaviors, and I have decided I am tired of people being mean to me just because “I can take it.” Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should, and I deserve better. If I am not treated better, than I am moving on. I owe you nothing, and what I give, I give out of kindness, which you are also in no way owed.

The move has thrown me off, just as vacation, surgery and general struggles brought up as a direct result of the Artist’s Way process has thrown the other members of my cluster off.

I’m still working on finding time/the right time of day to do my Artist’s Date. All I want to do is lay on my balcony and watch clouds. However, my body isn’t cooperating with the getting up in the morning to do it thing, and it’s a western balcony making it a dumb idea in the afternoons. Maybe after 5 pm? I better do it this month, since the sunset time is creeping ever-steadily backwards again.

I’m forgiving myself for losing track, and taking my time. I am NOT enjoying going through my morning pages notebooks, although I am getting good things out of them. All the anger there - and there’s a lot of it because I turned the other cheek far too long in far too many situations - needed to be dealt with. I don’t want to give myself cancer, and cancer is born in anger. However, I’m finding things within my morning pages that are undoing negative messages I was delivered about myself as a child:

It is demonstrably bullshit that “Diana can’t finish a project.” There are many - MANY - to dos that came up in the morning pages that I have actually done; the ones I have not are matters of resource. So I can damn well finish a project, and usually do! The ones where I don’t are because I took on too much out of a sense of overobligation, or are because I had a very good reason not to. That over-obligation issue is a problem, especially since I  tend to get in over my head on too many writing obligations all at once and I need to break it down around everything else that I do.

So, the Artist’s Way? Off the rails a little bit, but slooowly getting back on track.