The exercises this week didn’t seem very appealing, and then I realized why: they made me uncomfortable. I don’t like thinking about myself at 80, fearing I’d read nothing but a litany of ailments. I don’t like figuring out which my low self-esteem outfit is. I fear change, and it’s manifesting.
So I finally decided to do this one. Because it makes me the most uncomfortable. I feel like I did tap into my future self, off in the shifty future mists. I don’t think my future is that set, but what came through rings true.
Dear Diana,
Every decade you worry at yourself, at your beauty, at how society sees you, at what you perceive as a lack of control over your body. You’re losing nothing, you need control nothing and you are continuing to confuse society. Good work, sweetie, and I mean that. This will be why you’re beautiful when you’re my age.
Aging is a process, and so is beauty. Remember? You’re all about committing to process right now. Commit to the aging process. You’ll be delighted at what you find if you start now.
I’m not giving you any life spoilers. You’ll get here one way or the other anyway. I can say this to you: Vote. Stay active. Write letters. Stay involved. Make that voice of yours heard in the way that only you can. Right now you want to be an actress. See where that goes.
I know at this moment your greatest fear is turning into your mother. You won’t. Someday you really will get your issues resolved, and it will be a surprise to both of you when you move on. Your mother triggers those issues - it gives her a sense of power in your life, makes her feel more motherly. That’s not your problem, and eventually that will sink in.
Don’t fear change. It’s like fearing the Reaper. Completely fucking pointless, because when it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen. Don’t embrace it either - all too often you’ve forced change before it was completely necessary, and you’ve wound up with a lot of unmet potential. I know it’s hard, hon, but you’ve got to let it come to you. You were the same way with men in your 20s, if I remember. Do you own thing. Change will come and find you, and if you wait until the right moment you won’t be going forth in a continuous void of emotional support. You’ve got to let your friends catch up with you; they have a hard enough time knowing what’s going on.
Get in touch with those emotions you have on lockdown. They’re powerful. Jiminy Crickets, every one of them. They will guide you well. Stop criticizing yourself and let other people do it - you know what’s worth listening to.
Never let anyone stifle what you create, and I know you already have let that happen. Never let anyone stifle you. Don’t let anyone do this to you.
And Diana? It’s OK to have passion. No one can stand in the way of it. Not anymore.
Love you very much,
the future Diana
One Response to “Ch 4 Work: Letter from myself at age 80”
That’s beautiful… surely, your future self was actually speaking through you!
:)
I think this exercise makes me really uncomfortable, too… somehow I can’t even comprehend 80… I’ll try to stick this one in… and say a prayer first, maybe I’ll get something this touching!
I actually did a letter somewhat like this when I was in 8th grade– my english teacher had us right letters to ourselves that we’d receive during our junior year in high school. One day, when I was 17 years old, this letter arrived– and boy, was it bizarre (and accurate).
I wonder if there is some sort of service where they can do that for you… hold onto something like that for years and then you get it one day out of the blue!